How to Make the Holidays Easier on Children in Separated Families
Posted on 03. Apr, 2009 by Alabama Divorce Lawyer, Michael Sherman in Child Custody
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The Bozeman Daily Chronicle recently published an article entitled “Holidays tough on children in separated families.” The article describes how children whose parents are separated or divorced often face great tension trying to juggle visitation schedules and the stress that often come with it. This is particularly the case where the parents fail to communicate and work with one another for the children’s interests.
The article offers several tips for making the holidays more enjoyable:
1. Settling things in advance avoids last-minute disappointments and anxiety.
2. If you’re splitting the holiday, make the switch at a reasonable hour. Midnight on Christmas Eve isn’t a reasonable hour.
3. If you and your ex-spouse can’t agree, consider a mediator, someone “who will help you play nicely in the sandbox.”
4. When negotiating, realize that neither side gets 100 percent. Compromise is key and “don’t use your kids as trophies.”
5. Consider setting up an alternative holiday a few days before or after Christmas. Have two celebrations.
6. Encourage your child to call the absent parent during the holiday and make sure you leave the room and give him or her some privacy when the call takes place.
7. Never badmouth your ex when the child is within earshot. Kids see themselves as half mom and half dad. Criticism of a parent breaks down their self esteem. Plus, “kids think they have to fix their parents’ emotions.”
8. Don’t grill the kids about what happened at the ex’s house. Let them volunteer information if they want to.
9. Watch out for manipulation by the kids trying to “milk” the holiday, especially as they grow older. That’s another reason why it’s important to communicate directly with your ex.
10. With older children, be sure to ask for their input. Ask them what their ideal Christmas would be then work out what is possible. The adults need to make the decisions, but the kids need to feel like they’ve got a voice.
Thanks to Ben Stevens at the South Carolina Law Blog for the tip on this article. You can read the rest of the Bozeman Chronicle article at this link.
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