Archive for 'Initial Considerations'
Telling the Kids About the Divorce
Posted on 30. Apr, 2009 by Alabama Divorce Lawyer, Michael Sherman.
Welcome back! I hope you will consider adding your thoughts or questions to the comment sections of our Alabama divorce and family law articles. Also, you can contact me directly by visiting the Contact Page. Thanks again for returning to our site.
How do I tell the children about the divorce?
It is one of the toughest tasks that accompanies a divorce. How do we tell the children? I recently came across a good article that advised parents facing divorce to avoid these three mistakes when telling the children:
- Pressuring the children to make a choice,
- Forgetting to emphasize that the children did not cause the divorce, and
- Sharing information that only adults should be aware of.
You can read the entire article here. In the article, the author elaborates on each point. I want to specifically emphasize the third point. Divorce attorneys see this mistake made all of the time (sharing information with the children that only adults should be aware of). It is typically done when one parent is hurt and mad at the other because they have somehow been wronged. Often it is when adultery is involved. The parent decides to tell the children the reason mommy and daddy are getting divorce is because “your father has a girlfriend” (or something like that). When asked why in the world they would tell their children this, they justify it by saying, “the children deserve to know the truth” or “I was just being honest with them.”
DO NOT DO THIS. Really. It is incredibly selfish and immature and it hurts your children. I know there may be some circumstances where it may be necessary. Maybe the child is 17 and the affair was with a teacher at the school and so all of her friends are going to find out (yes, I’ve seen it happen). But, even in those situations, slow down. Check your motivation. Are you really protecting your child by telling her? Is it really necessary? I find that often it is not. Don’t do it to your children. The divorce is going to be hard enough on them.
Finally, I would add one more to the author’s list: Remind them that both mom and dad still love them. Children in divorce need to be reminded that the breakup of the marriage does not mean that either parent no longer loves them. This is VERY important. Even if you are the spouse who did not want the divorce, make sure they know that the other spouse still loves them and the divorce does not mean they don’t. They need to hear that.
NOTE: The author of the article offers some resources at the end of the article to assist in telling the children about divorce. I have not reviewed them myself, but I have talked to the author in the past and I have heard very good reports about those resources. You may want to check them out if you are facing divorce and are not sure how to tell the kids.
Continue Reading
What should I do if I suspect my spouse is cheating?
Posted on 24. Apr, 2009 by Alabama Divorce Lawyer, Michael Sherman.
There are two things that I recommend for the person contemplating divorce under these circumstances. One is obvious, the other may not be.
First, you need to seriously consider getting a private investigator. In Alabama “fault grounds” is relevant in a divorce case and can affect the property settlement and alimony awards. Depending on whether the children are being affected by the conduct, it may also influence the custody determination.
But, do not pull out the yellow pages and pick the cheapest p.i. you can find. You should talk to your divorce lawyer about arranging a p.i. who he knows is competent and can be an effective witness in court if that becomes necessary. (The same advice about not using the yellow pages and hiring the cheapest divorce lawyer you can find also applies!)
The second piece of advice is to immediately get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Obviously you don’t know the sexual history of the person with whom your spouse is having an affair. Yes, I know it is an awful thought. But, I can promise you it happens. And, God forbid it happens to you, the sooner you find out about it, the sooner you can be treated. Additionally, if that were to happen, it can dramatically change the posture of your case as there may be additional legal claims that need to be brought. And, if those claims need to be brought your lawyer needs to know about it immediately.
Continue Reading
What about my “prenup”?
Posted on 24. Apr, 2009 by Alabama Divorce Lawyer, Michael Sherman.
If you are about to go through a divorce and you and your spouse signed a nuptial agreement (either before your marriage or after), you need to inform your lawyer of that fact immediately. That seems like a rather obvious statement, but I have seen cases where the client’s failed to mention to their lawyers that a prenuptial had been signed until well into the divorce litigation. It is critical for your lawyer to have a copy of the prenuptial and any amendments that may later have been made to it as early in the process as possible, in order for the lawyer to be able to properly advise you.
Prenups are generally valid in Alabama if certain requirements are met – these basically have to do with full disclosure of the assets and the availability of independent counsel, absence of duress, etc.
If all of the conditions are met and the prenup is valid, then its terms will usually govern the disposition of the assets and debts and terms of any property settlement and/or alimony.
Custody, child support, visitation, and other issues regarding the best interests of the children are generally not issues that can be addressed in the prenup and thus will have to be resolved through the divorce case (through negotiation, alternative dispute resolution or trial).
Continue Reading
What happens if I don’t show up for Court?
Posted on 24. Apr, 2009 by Alabama Divorce Lawyer, Michael Sherman.
First of all, don’t miss your Court date if you can help it. In most courts in Alabama, if you are properly served and fail to show up for Court, the Judge will enter a default judgment against you and in favor of your spouse (or in the case of a modification or contempt case, your ex-spouse). This essentially means that the judge will grant your spouse the relief they request without getting any input from you.
If you have a trial date that is approaching get to a lawyer immediately. Under certain circumstances, the lawyer may be able to get a continuance for you.
If you unavoidably missed a trial or hearing, talk to a lawyer to see if you can have the default judgment set aside. In the jurisdictions in which I practice, my experience has been that the judges would prefer not to enter deaults. So, they will often consider giving a litigant a second chance to present evidence, if there was a legitimate reason for missing the court date and/or the issues that were decided in the default judgment were critical (such as child custody, alimony, etc.) But, time is essential here. A motion to set aside a default needs to be filed as soon as possible, and in many instances, it must be filed prior to the expiration of 30 days from the date of the entry of default.
Continue Reading
Can I buy a house while my divorce is pending?
Posted on 24. Apr, 2009 by Alabama Divorce Lawyer, Michael Sherman.
You should generally avoid making any major new purchases while your divorce is pending. If you purchase a major asset like a house before your divorce is final, it will have to be addressed in the Divorce Decree. This could affect the rest of the property settlement. Also, your lawyer can help you plan to make a purchase such as this by structuring the settlement to put you in the best financial position possible for you to buy a house once the divorce is final.